We got so high we made milksteak
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
