Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
