I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
