I must be too annoying 4 u.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
