my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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