Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
