similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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