I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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