Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
