Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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