someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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