last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
