True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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