i barfeds in our rink
home. puking in laundry basket.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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