Umm I'm too high to move.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
