I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
