Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
