She is in my trunk
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
