i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
