My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
