someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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