i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize