guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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