We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
