Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize