Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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