You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
