yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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