brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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