I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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