I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
