these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
