Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
