I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
