there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
