In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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