You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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