i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
