I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize