You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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