oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
