i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
