You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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