im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
