why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
