are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
