well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize