I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
