Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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