You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
