No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
