Don't make out with my wife yet
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
