last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
