I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
