better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
