I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
