If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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