I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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