Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
