D3 body, D1 cock
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
