I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
