Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(801): View more from Utah

Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.

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(616): View more from Michigan

I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.

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(434): View more from Virginia

Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.

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(516): View more from New York

I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?

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(775): View more from Nevada

Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Almost there.

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.

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(530): View more from California

Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.

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(785): View more from Kansas

I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media

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(775): View more from Nevada

Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.

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