I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
