You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
