The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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