it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
