Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
