Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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